WIZdom...

"When I think of home,
I think of a place where there's love overflowing
I wish I was home
I wish I was back there with the things I been knowing"

When I hear “Home” from “The Wiz”, I don’t think of ‘home’ in the typical sense. Yes, I enjoy being with my family, arguing, laughing, crying, eating, watching scary movies, cheering on the Cowboys… But, when I think of “home”, I think of the one place I can go where I won’t be afraid, where I won’t doubt myself, where I know it’s okay for me to lose control and surrender everything… without feeling vulnerable, without feeling as though I could be judged, without feeling as though I could disappoint.

And that place is inside of a lyric, highlighted by the harmony, the melody, and interpreted by the movement… my movement.

I remember those days (and nights) in Kansas, when I would arrive to the studio a couple of hours before my dancers. I would stretch for 30 minutes, grab a cd and just hit play. Some days, the music wouldn’t matter. Other days, I chose the music very carefully. I would leap, turn, jump and sometimes, just sit in the center of the floor (in the dark) and just sway… even swaying is movement… is dancing. I was still performing, also. In a couple of companies, for a few community theater groups and enjoying every moment.

It’s been 3 years since I returned to Dallas from Kansas. And I am disappointed to say, I haven’t taken any time to dance. I’ve taken a few classes, attended a few workshops, but it’s been choreography, consulting, and judging. I have taken no real time to dance for me.

"Suddenly my world has changed it's face
But I still know where I'm going
I have had my mind spun around in space
And yet I've watched it growing"

With all of the changes (positive and negative) that have occurred in my life over the last year, I feel that now is the perfect time to go back ‘home’. For the past 1095 days, although I am surrounded by friends, by family, by opportunity, there is still a bit of myself that seems to be missing. And, I think I left that part of me in my old studio, in that college town, in Kansas.

"If you're list'ning God
Please don't make it hard to know "

Wednesday night, after an emotionally charged rehearsal, while a few remained in Studio A, I went into Studio B, lay on the floor and cried my way thru a prayer… I prayed for many things, but one of those things was for the bravery to return “home”… to take time, even if only for a bit, to dance again… even if only without the make-up, the costumes, the audience... if only just for me. To allow everything that binds me to be released, released thru the movement, just as it used to be.

"And I've learned
That we must look inside our hearts
To find a world full of love
Like yours
Like mine...
Like Home."

I don’t need to talk about it. I don’t need to write about it. I just need to DANCE about it.